I'm sure no one reads this, but if by chance you are reading this I'm warning you ahead of time that I just have to vent right now.
Every semester about this time I question if I am doing the right thing going to school and I just have to vent about it. This semester is no different. Actually, it is different. This semester is starting to feel worse than others. I started out this semester feeling like I was staying ahead on my school work pretty well. It didn't seem too bad at first. Then all my teachers decided to start moving assignments and tests around so now it feels like everything is always due at the same time. I also have a teacher that is now "teaching" (if you can call what he does teaching) one chapter each week and testing on it that week, which means there is a test in that class every single weekend. It is beyond annoying! Not to mention that I SUCK at taking tests, especially his tests.
I used to think I was a smart person and that I was good at school, not anymore. I officially am terrible at school, well college. I always did well in school growing up and then I got into college and it feels like I am so dumb. I hate the way that tests count for almost everything. I do pretty well on assignments, but I cannot seem to do well on tests no matter how much I study. It's so frustrating! I just don't think the same way that teachers test. I am terrible at multiple choice questions. How are multiple choice questions even a good measure of how much you really learn?? I have just had it.
I'm tired of feeling like I am stupid. I'm tired of not doing well on tests and just feeling like I have to cry about it (like I am doing right now as I'm writing this). I have always been kind of an emotional person, but this is just getting rediculous! I'm tired of being so unhappy while school is in. I'm tired of classes where the teacher doesn't actually teach what they're testing on. I'm tired of having to memorize pointless information and equations and other crap for tests that I'm never going to use again or if I need to use it again, I will have this thing called the internet, so I can look it up. When are we ever really going to have to have everything we learn in school memorized. We live in the information age! Information is so accessible now so why memorize everything.
I'm tired of memorizing crap for my tax class that CHANGES EVERY YEAR! I work in the tax industry, I know that this information I'm learning changes every year so why memorize it. No wonder so many tax preparers are idiots, they don't actually teach you to read the form instructions, something I have told many tax preparers to do at work. They teach you to memorize pointless random information that is going to change yearly or that is written on the tax form, so why would have have to memorize it when it's right there for you to see when you are preparing a tax return.
My brain just feels like it has reached its limit. I try to study and memorize all this pointless stuff that my teachers think is important for me to memorize (that I almost always forget by the next semester), but I just can't seem to remember stuff anymore. No matter how much I study I still just can't do very well on tests, which is all that seems to matter in college.
I just don't know how much more of school I can handle. I only have seven classes left. Well, possibly eight. When I say how many classes I have left, I tell myself that I can do it, I'm so close. But then while school is in, I really wonder if I can do it. It is making me so unhappy and really killing my self-esteem. Some days I literally feel so dumb. I just don't know if I can do it. I feel like I'm just burning out.
Sometimes I just wish that someone would tell me to not go to school. School just definately is not for me, it never has been.
Sorry this was such a negative, complainy post, but I just took another test and of course did not do well on it. Everytime this happens all these feelings just come rushing in, which has been on a weekly basis lately since I have at least one test a week now. Blah!
4 comments:
I'm so sorry your having such a rough year Stacey! Your are so close! Only 8 more classes! You can do it! Then you will be finished and you will feel GREAT!!!!!! You are VERY Smart look how far you have gotten! You can do it!!!!!!!!! Keep your head up and remember your soooooo close!
You are completely justified in your venting post! You are amazing and I am so proud of you! School is really hard, especially at this point in the semester. You can do it! Only a couple of more weeks and you will get a much needed break! Luv u!
Oh, Stace, you are so smart! I mean it! You are socially smart, and emotionally smart, and when you combine the two you don't need memorization smarts. 2 1/2 more weeks and you'll be done, plus, don't you only need like a C+ out of your classes to pass them and have them count towards your major/minor? So just aim for a C+ (I'm just trying to be funny). Good luck, I love you!
Stacey, I just want to tell you how proud I am of you. You are smart and you need to remember that tests are not a true measure of how smart you are. Some people can memorize and some people can apply what they are learning to real life like you do. You also have to remember that you not only go to school full time but you also work full time and teach relief society. You are amazing and I love you a ton!
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